So, tomorrow it’s CPA time. I’ve never had a non-hospital CPA, so I’m not really sure what it’ll be like. Anyone have any experience?
I know the kinda stuff that’ll be talked about, as I had a talk with my care coordinator and my CPN:
- Do I need to have a ‘body scan’ every week? I haven’t self harmed since I left hospital. (not that I’ve actually had an opportunity…)
- Time away from my 24-hour carers (23 hours carers, 12 hours by my parent), so I can be by myself a bit in the house/people waiting outside the bathroom while I go…
- Some respite time for my parents i.e. they can go away for a weekend.
- More independence , as I haven’t self harmed etc, so I could actually go out on my own. Scary, but it needs to be done. I need to get away from my institutionalism; I never used to be so frightened.
- Might be changing CPNs again. Great.
- Do I need two people to go out with whenever I leave the house? It’s ridiculous.
- DBS trial – are there opportunities to do it anywhere else in the country, as mine has completely fallen through.
- Maybe doing a DBT programme (not specifically for EDs) – only problem being transfers, running over meal times, and messing with carers’ shifts. I just don’t see this one happening.
- The fact that I’m losing weight, and what’s gonna happen. In all fairness, I’m still a heavier weight than when I was chucked out of hospital, so I dunno why everyone’s still worried. So, I’ve lost a bit of weight recently? So what? I gained to the right BMI
for the DBS trial and nothing happened. I did my bit, and they didn’t do theirs. As far as I’m concerned, I can do whatever the hell I want now. I’m let down and angry, and my only coping mechanism is restricting. I’ve tried other stuff, but it doesn’t work.
Anyway, dreading the CPA, whilst wondering how it’ll work. I’d be interested if anyone knows how CPA’s work outside of a hospital setting?
Keep you posted, and keep fighting.