Posted in Uncategorized

No news…

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No news is good news? Hah.

Still haven’t heard from my ‘date’ yesterday. Everyone (well, the two people IRL that I have told) are saying the same thing as people here.

It’s not your fault. It could’ve been any reason. It’s him, not you. He’s not worth your time. That’s what you get for meeting people on the internet. It’s not to do with your photo. It’s his loss, not yours. You’re the better person.  etc etc.

Yeah, everyone’s probably right. But still. It was such a big deal, I’ve never done anything remotely as brave as that. And then to get  stood up? Pfft. I’ve thought that I was asexual for so many years, and this was a trial. See what happened.

Guess it was a sign.

Posted in Uncategorized

“A Journal On The Imperfections of Perfection” – Coping: This is Who We Are Entry 18

This isn’t my story, but it could be so many other people’s. It could be anyone’s. I’m so pleased that Kelly managed to get out of the horrific cycle while she was still able to. Thank you for sharing your story; it gives the rest of us hope.

Check out the rest of the site as well – there are so many good testimonies there, this is one of many.

Just remember there’s hope. Even when all we can see is dark

Dear Hope

For today’s piece, we have a  submission from Kelly Sorge about her struggles with an eating disorder. This one really hit us hard, and we think you’ll enjoy it thoroughly. 

Fall 2011

5451746855_798b296788_oIt didn’t start the way you normally hear about these things starting. I was never bullied about my weight. No one ever called me “fat”, and I actually always considered myself skinny growing up. It happened completely out of the blue one day when this demon awoke inside me and decided to make me think that I wasn’t good enough. Little did I know that this demon would follow me and take over the next three years of my life.

I remember the moment that changed my life forever. I was sixteen and had just started my junior year of high school. I was sitting on my bedroom floor, working on some English homework after a long day…

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Posted in Uncategorized

Being Stood up

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There’s another thing going on at the moment, but I guess it’s familial personal stuff, so I won’t post it on here. Also it deserves its own space. I guess it’s too important.

So, a lesser subject, I had a date booked for this morning. Just to go out to Costa’s for a coffee. We arranged to meet outside there at 11am. I waited until 11:30ish am, and decided to disband. My dad + a support worker were inside Costa, keeping an eye on me, and I went in and we just said give up and go home.

I know it’s not really a big deal, but this would’ve been the first time I’ve ever been on a date. EVER. In my whole life. (Yes, I know I’m 25, but that’s what my life has been like.) So, the first date I’ve ever been on, I was stood up. Great. It’s a great confidence booster, particularly when I feel so fucking fabulous anyway.

I guess it might’ve been because I showed him my photo. We’d met online, and I only gave him a photo of me yesterday so he’d know who to look out for (I hate photos of me.) I can only assume that’s the reason. I’ve emailed him since, but no response. Guess that’s it.

Sorry I haven’t been keeping up with anyone; I’m gonna have a catch-up on blogs tonight I hope. Praying that you’re all okay.

Posted in Private Diary, Uncategorized

Sunday 6th March 2016 – Being Found Out.

Jodie thinks I’m an attention seeker. She’s right, as well. She’s seen me a lot this week, and I feel like she’s the first one of my support workers to look behind the walls and see me as I truly am.

She was with me for Cribs on Tuesday, and I think she knew that I was half-faking my panic attack.

I took 400mg of Alison’s thyroxin on Thursday and was told that symptomatically nothing was likely to happen until 48 hours later. Jodie was with me 8-2pm, then 5-11pm. I was basically acting like a bit of a drunk. It was so much fun. I had energy, I wanted to run and turn around in circles and I wasn’t scared. I actually did run most of the way across the field, and I didn’t collapse.

But if I hadn’t been told the affects were after 48 hours, would I have acted like that?

Alison thinks it was entirely psychosomatic, and I certainly know that some of it was. Joe thinks it was a bit of both, which is kind of him. 

But I think Alison’s right.

And Jodie knows it too. The second time I was spinning wildly, she was very firm with me and told me to stop. When I didn’t, she walked off, and I stopped, like a little kid – I just wanted it for attention. She knew that. She said after that she knew her walking away would stop me.

And now, today, I had a really melancholy moment (eyes filled with tears) and she completely blanked me. I dunno whether it was real or not (I think it was), but she obviously knows how fake I am.

She’s seen through my walls. I haven’t had anyone like that for a while. Estelle and Carol did. Alain did. Does Hugh? Probably – I’m not sure I know him well enough. And I’m never sure with Joe and Alison. I think that they do know, but they don’t want to admit it, because then our lives for the last 8-9 years have been a total lie. They’d rather have an ill daughter than one who is a liar.

Wouldn’t anyone?