So, this is how I looked when I woke up:
And this is how I looked after I had been weighed:
It’s silly. I hadn’t even gained weight, just maintained. But that bit of me is just screaming LOSE LOSE LOSE, and I’m finding it harder and harder to ignore.
But that all seems like complete crap now. More important things are going on.
I just found out, via FaceBook, that one of friends has died.
We may not always have seen eye-to-eye at times and you certainly had a cruel tongue when you wanted, but I always hoped something would change for you. To be honest, as awful as this sounds, I’m not surprised. When I first looked at you, I knew I’d hear about your funeral. I hoped and hoped and hoped that something would change.
Despite the fact that you seemed to despise me about 50% of the time (for no reason I can fathom, except we were probably the two lightest people there and I was ‘competition’), I really liked you Luci. I desperately wanted you to like me back. And you were a beautiful, generous girl. A lot of the time, all I could see was your ED, but when I caught those glimpses… you had a lot to give.
It’s not like we were mega close, but I’ll never ever forget you. And I always loved you. I always wanted to be liked by you. It was probably cringy how much I tried to get you to like me back. But that’s what it was like. I wanted you, not your ED.
But, I’m not gonna lie: bitching about the nurses on those nights we couldn’t sleep was always good fun. And I’m glad that I taught you to knit (or was it crochet?). Maybe I gave you something.
RIP, darling. You don’t have to fight any longer.