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An Update

Life goes on its crazy crazy way at 2CC (my house). If anyone could offer any thoughts on my last post it would be SO helpful – I just would hate to write a book that triggers anyone.

So, life’s stressful. I feel like I’m going to fall apart.


Tomorrow I have been summoned to court to find out whether my treatment team, my ED team, the local council and my parents have the right to deprive my liberty as much as they are doing. It’s ‘The Court of Protection’ in relation to DOlS ‘Deprivation of Liberty.’ I really don’t know what it’s going to be like. I have two huge booklets – each about 90 pages or so! – that I’ve kinda skimmed because there’s so much legalese that I don’t understand half of it!

Has anyone else been through this it? Is it a proper court thing with a judge, and swearing to tell the truth, and all the bizarre legal posturing that means nothing? Apparently, I have a litigation friend, but I’ve never even met them! And am I meant to have prepared something? No one I’ve asked seems to know.

And, very shallowy, what do I wear? I know it sounds like a ridiculous thing to worry about, but people always go to court dressed smartly. I HAVE NO SMART CLOTHES! I WAS LIVING IN HOSPITAL FOR SIX ISH YEARS AND I NEVER GO OUT! What use would I have for smart clothes? I can’t wear jeans and a hoody to COURT. But, I have nothing else to wear, and it’s too late to borrow anything (I could try Dr Feline, but I don’t think anything would fit, which might look worse.

Everything seems to be happening at once. I had my final session with my CPN today – great timing. We went out for a coffee today, and I had a milky one (my meal plan) and she had a herbal tea. That freaks me out – I feel so greedy compared to her. It wasn’t a good session.


Gotta put it behind me and stop moaning!

Hello to all my new followers!! Nice to meet you! Let’s get you all involved; I’ll ask you a question and you leave the answer in comments.

Hmmm… what’s your favourite place in the world?

Right now, mine would be BED!

Love to all, dbsgirl. Sleep well x

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So, most of the time I haven’t being posting snd catching up with all your wonderful blogs is this:

I’m writing a novel. And, yeah, I know that lots of people do it now because of self-publishing and stuff, and maybe it isn’t that a big deal. Well, it is for me. I wrote two short novels (50,000 words each) when I was 14 and 15 respectively. Although I was very proud of them at the time, I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t have been that good!

So, I’m a writer – been keeping it under wraps! Feels so scary to admit it!

That’s why I was asking about triggers – is there anything in books/films about EDs that particularly trigger you. There are no numbers mentioned AT ALL. (Btw, this isn’t my life, it’s fictional, but the kind of story that could be true.) But what else do people find it hard to read about?

This is getting serious, as a professional editor is reading my work soon, I may have an agent and we’re looking for a publisher! I’m writing under a pseudonym, so if you (and me!!) are very lucky there may be a post here about where you can BUY it!

Basically, I want people’s experiences reading about EDs in any way, shape or form. Please, please just drop me a comment – anyone – or repost on your blog if that might get more traffic. I’m desperate to get this right without hurting people.open_book

Although it’s really exciting to be at this stage, I’m also terrified. What if the professional editor (who wasn’t cheap!) just politely tells me that it’s not any good. I have a friend who’s a published author who thinks it good, and two other people have read (one head of a small publishing firm, and the other a psychiatrist). But what if it isn’t ‘right for the market.’ I’ve worked so, so hard on this – there’d blood, sweat and guts all over my computer – and I’d be heartbroken if she says no. But I’d trust her. She really knows what she’s talking about. She used to be head of Random House (one of the biggest young adults and children’s publishing houses in Britain) and is in great demand.

It’s gonna be painful having it ripped apart, but I know that. God, I’m so scared!

So, please let me know if you’ve had much experience with novels that contain characters with EDs. Or films. Positive or negative experiences. Please, it would be such a help, as I do one last edit before sending it off.

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I was talking to my CPN (Community Psychiatric Nurse) about some situations I’ve been in recently. Particularly to do with my Mum, who’s said she’s on a diet, and then has a bowl of cake and cream. I find that triggering.

I thought that’d be obvious. But she was all: ‘oh, that’s very interesting. What other triggers do you have?’

Me, being my stupid self, kinda assumed that everyone with an eating disorder would be triggered by the same things. But as everyone’s eating disorder is so different, it stands to reason that their triggers would be different too, right?


So, I was wondering what things do other people find triggering? When I’ve with other people that I know through the ‘ED world’ I always try to avoid any obvious triggers, but what about the ones that I don’t recognise?


What triggers you? What are the worst things that anyone could say to you?

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A Catch Up, for anyone listening

Hey again, world. I’ve been a bit absent for a while. There’s a lot of stuff going on in my life: some bad, but some good as well. I mostly haven’t had the energy to do anything. My exhaustion is getting ridiculous.

We now have a total of six lambs, one who has to be bottle fed because her mum won’t let her. It’s really sad, but – not gonna lie – I love being her second Mum. As I can’t work, I’m around most of the time, so she’s my responsibility. Here’s my little baby. I called her Nancy, and she’s three weeks today.


We’ve also had a barn raising (!) with my dad and five friends. I wasn’t allowed to help, which I hate. Hate hate hate. But I’m not ‘physically well enough.’ So, I sat around on my arse for four days whilst they burnt a million calories, as well as having tons of fun. Oh God, I know it was major hard work, but I wanted to be a part of it.

The old me would have been.

But, I did something sort of amazing. I don’t/didn’t want anyone to make a big deal out of it, because it’s so personal, but… well, my arms actually saw sunlight for the first time in seven years! That’s right: I’ve worn long sleeves, however hot, for the last seven years. And I had a few days when it was warm enough for a t-shirt. Thank God that no one said anything about them. They’re scarred, and almost luminous white, and my elbows are bigger than the tops of my arms and… they’re not pretty. I know that. But no one said a thing.

I couldn’t be more grateful.

Right, I need to give Nancy her 06:45 feed, so I’ll post more. Soon I hope. I know I need to.