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And trying again because my computer is shit.

So, Popoki chewed through my cable on the VERY DAY that I had to send my entire novel manuscript off to my Editor. And yes, it was on dropbox and everything but it would’t attach. Nightmare. Sent out an SOS to everyone in the area asking for a charger compatible and FINALLY found one, although it took most of the day. THAT, my friends, is the way to spend sunny Saturdays.

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There’s also been a lot of… stuff going on. I’ll say TW, because I don’t know how people feel about it.

I’m deteriorating. I know am. I’ve lost weight to a point where I said I would consider tube feeding, but I know I’ll say know. Big Meeting at 11 o clock (which is bang on snack, great) to discuss everything.

I’m also developing pressure sores. Now, the sensible part of me know this is FUCKING TERRIBLE because I’ve worked in an old people’s home and they are absolutely grim/ But the OTHER part… thinks they’re good. Pain, punishment, I deserve it. So I’ve been given a pressure cushion (I already have a pressure mattress) and I really don’t want to wear it. I despair at myself sometimes.

Also… well, I’m addicted to prescription drugs. And it got really out of hand yesterday; I was barely functioning. Great day to pick before the Big Meeting. Well done, dbsgirl, well done. It was horrific actually. Why do I do these things?

And ONE more thing on the horizon. I don’t know whether you guys know why I started this blog, because it was because I was going to be going through Deep Brain Stimulation (DBT) where they put wires and stuff in your head. I did a page explaining it here. Then it got all called off for funding and I gave up and stopped trying.

But now it might be starting up again. So I have a Skype conversation with Rebecca Parke at 9am, then I have to get to my Big Meeting by 11 (1 – 1/2 hours drive), and then straight to family therapy at 1:30 (another hour away). Back by 4pm. I hate this day already.

Anyway, what was meant to be a catch-up turned out to be a rant. My new charger/cable STILL hasn’t arrived because they sent the wrong one, so I’m on borrowed time. 26%. So, all you lovely people, I will love you and leave you, and catch up on all your blogs and be friends again. People will’ve forgotten me! (although I don’t have a big readership or anything. Not that I’m jealous.

So, to all you lovely people out there – fight the good fight. Keep trying. Keep (dare I say it) eating and not self harming and not beating yourself up. Have a GOOD DAY. Someone’s goto to on my behalf!

dbsgirl  xx

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Author:

Just a 25 year-old-English-gal trying to make her way through life, with all its ups and downs. I don't necessarily publish anything massively personal because I worry about triggering people big time, but if anyone has questions or memes they'd like me to do, then I'm up for it!

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