This was the real venue: I kid you not!
So, actually it was okay. The amount of stress beforehand was so much worse than the stress during. Neither RT nor LM were there, which made things a million times better. I didn’t have to fight with the competition side of me at all. I only knew three people there, all people who I’ve met on EDUs.
LC (Now L F-J) was beautiful. When she threw her bouquet, I caught it! I knew she was throwing it directly to me, but it was such a sweet gesture. So, I’m the next one to get married? Seems pretty unlikely, but there we go.
I’m so worried about her though (the bride). As well as an ED, she also has very brittle diabetes. When I left (I had to leave early because of the long drive home), she was so ketotic it was almost intoxicating (me being one of those unusual people who can smell ketones). And she was barely compos mentis. She couldn’t stand. She whispered to me she hadn’t been able to stop purging all day. She’s so ill and she can’t see it. She constantly talks about me being so thin I’m going to fall over. Yes, that’s true – but I know that. She doesn’t know how ill she is. She has neuropathy in both her feet. She may have to have them amputated. She’s not going to live a normal length life. It’s the harsh truth.
At the point in the wedding ‘in sickness and in health’ I cried. I cried silently for the part of L that, deep down, knows there will be much more sickness than health. Will there ever be health? Right now, I can’t see a way. Even if she makes a real turn around, she’s damaged her body too much.
The other L (who is now LL because she’s married too!) is doing fantastically. She was so ill when I knew her in hospital but a friend, J, died and she made a complete turnaround. I haven’t seen her in four years although we’ve been in intermittent contact – and she’s now a fully certified RMN (registered mental health nurse)! I can’t believe it. Well, actually I can. Although she was so ill, I could see something in her, you know? Sometimes you just get a feeling. She was very positive. No struggles with the meal or anything; she left the pudding, but she said she was full, and I believed her.
Anyway, for me, it was fine. I was talking to Dr Mother about it this morning, and kept going on about the fact that nothing’s normal and I can’t enjoy things in the way other people can, that my life is still awful. Bear in mind that this was in response to me not wanting to leave the house because things are ‘too positive.’
I can never get it right. I can’t help but enjoy these things, then I feel I need to punish myself.
So when I got back from the wedding, I cut all my hair off. Again. I managed about six months and it was a nice length and I loved it. Now it’s back to practically shaved.
Swings and roundabouts, eh?
But I’m glad L is married and I hope that P P-J will look after her. In sickness and in health.