Posted in Challenges, family, ramblings

Write Every Day: Define Family


And here I am again! Keeping going, despite intense feelings of apathy and self hatred. Sometimes I get confused between the two. Does anyone else get that, or is it just me?

Family? Who you want them to be. Obviously you can’t change your biological family, but you can choose who you call family. And it changes throughout your life I guess. When you’re young, your family is your nuclear family and really important; some people are closer to their extended family, or that could happen later in life. Maybe you get married and then have kids, and they are now your main family. You can have lots of families. Adoptive families. Friends that are so close they’re family. People who are family by blood that you’ve never met? Call them family if you like. It’s a choice. Everyone says ‘you can’t choose your family.’ You can’t technically change your family; you can change your attitude.

Continue reading “Write Every Day: Define Family”

Posted in Challenges, ramblings

Write Every Day: My Role in the Family



I’m only on day five of doing this, and I’m uninspired and bored. It’s a chore already. What’s wrong with me? I used to have pages and pages of stuff in diaries that I’d written. I wrote three – four – ten? – times a day. And it came naturally. Stuff just flowed. Now, though I’ve written a novel and it’s going off for the next stage in publishing on November 28th (eek!), I feel less able to write.

I think maybe I can’t write so much about myself. Because I’ve said it all before. I haven’t changed, really, since my ED became particularly severe. I’m stuck in time at age seventeen. And I did write every day for the first few years or so of being in hospital, but the entire thing was just focused on calories and millilitres of fluid and staff bending the rules for other people or being punished and blah blah blah. It was the same shit, different day, and I never even realised. Then, I just sort of gradually stopped writing. I was horrified – writing a diary was a big part of how I defined myself as a person. How could it just go? But it did.

And I dunno if I can make it come back.

Sometimes, I suppose we have to accept things about the past, about ourselves, and move on. Because things can’t stay static. The only thing constant is change.

Continue reading “Write Every Day: My Role in the Family”

Posted in Award, Challenges

Mystery Blogger Award!

I can’t believe I’ve received this award! I’ve never got any kind of reward in my life (apart from exams certificates and stuff), and I actually cried when I was tagged!



This is an award (!!)originally created by  Okoto Enigma. I don’t know her, but it’s always interesting finding new blogs.
This was from my dear friend gettingthroughanxiety who is helping me to really get into this blogging malarkey – I’ve been skimping! I used to keep an everyday diary, but got out of the habit; I want this to be a combination of current affairs, books, musings… everything! And she’s supporting me through it, which is absolutely fantastic! I was gobsmacked when she said she would do it with me, and eternally thankfully
She’s a wonderful woman, and please all check out her blog. Her generosity know no bounds. She’s just published a book which I’m certainly planning to read due to the calibre of her writing, and I think other people should take a look too! It’s pretty exciting. UNDERSTATEMENT! Can’t wait to read it (my TBR list is huuuuuuge, but this one might get bumped up a bit. Her blog is so varied, and her last post is really thought-provoking. Please take a look at her, she deserves it for putting up with me!

Okay, my first award. I have to list The Rules. (sounds very ominous :S) Here we go:

  • Display the award logo/image on your blog
  • List the rules
  • Thank the blogger who nominated you and provide a link to the nominator’s blog
  • Mention the creator of the award and provide a link as well
  • Tell your readers 3 things about yourself
  • Answer 5 questions from the nominator
  • Nominate 10 – 20 people
  • Notify your nominees by leaving the nomination link in the “comment” of their blog
  • Ask your nominees any 5 questions of your choice, with one weird or funny question (specify)
  • Share the link(s) to your best post(s)


Does that make sense? I’m slightly scared about finding 10-20 people to nominate, but I’ll give it a good go!

Three things about myself:

  1. I have a beautiful cat called Popoki who is sitting on my lap making it very hard to type right now
  2. We have a small (ish) field, and a sheep of 17 sheep!
  3. I moved back in with my parents about 18 months ago (boooo!)

Answer three questions from the nominator: (she’s done more than three!)
(little confused because she said these were her questions and her nominees, but you’re meant to come up with new ones! Go with the flow, E, go with the flow)

Have you had a crush on your teacher as a teenager?
Boringly, no. I wish I could say that I had but none of that were really that hot.

If you had the power to change one thing in your past, what would that be?
Easy. Go back in time and do something to stop me having an eating disorder. Sometimes I think it was just inevitable, but there must have been something I could’ve done.

Which country is your next dream vacation, and what made you want to go there?
Amsterdam! (Well, I’d really like to go to Ecuador but I’m keeping it vaguely reasonable due to my health). It’s easy for to get around and there are those mobility scooters which would make things easier (and funner!). There’s so many things I want to see there: Anne Frank’s House (top of my list), go to the Rijksmuseum, the Van Gogh, I’d love to hike in Jordaan but I know I can’t realistically. Then there’s Dam Square, the Science Centre, cycling along the canals and ice-skating at Leidseplein (I can dream, okay?), the Joods museum, the De Gooyer windmill, visit the flower market, and go to the Red Light District and some cafes for some ‘people watching.’ I wouldn’t do anything in the RLD, but I’d definitely like a go at, ahem, sampling the delicacy.

Do you think it is okay to keep secrets even between best friends?
Yes, as long as they’re not harmful.

If you could be transformed into something else, what would be your preference, and why?
A cat. They sleep all day, and their minds aren’t constantly torturing them with awful thoughts. And when they’re not sleeping, they’re playing (or eating). I can’t think of anything better. I’ve lost the ability to just have fun. And, of course, I love cats.



So, the nominations. Do I know 10-20 people well enough online that I can ask (god, I’m glad I’m not doing this in real life – I’d manage about three!) Here we go, I shall try: (warning: if you don’t recognise me, don’t dismiss as spam. I have commented on your blog or just liked if I’m feeling like a coward, and it might be a while ago. I am a very very amateur blogger, which makes this award so strange!)

I think that’s about as many as I can do. I would be so grateful if you’d participate; it’d mean the world to me. Link back to me – I’d love to see your answers (Just realised I don’t know how to tag you. I’ll have to find out.)

So, here are my 5 questions (I’ll try and make them interesting):
1. What was the scariest thing that happened to you?
2. Did you dress up this Halloween?
3. Would you rather be a bird that couldn’t fly, but not a proper walking bird, or a fish that couldn’t swim, so you just bobbed around?
4. What’s the latest book you’ve read that you’d recommend to someone?
5. What music are you listening to right now/what music did you last listen?

Hope they’re okay! Anyway much love to BG; this means such a lot.

Have a fab Friday everyone!




Posted in Challenges, Uncategorized

Write Every Day: Favourite Picture Books as a Child



Hello! Feeling very nervous today, but I don’t know why. You’d think I’d never written before but I actually I’ve written three novels and one is being published by the new year fingers crossed(by a publisher, not self selfpublished). I’m written since I know what writing is. I can remember what on my first day of school, I got upset because the words I was using (‘therefore’) just wouldn’t fit one line. My Teacher (Mrs ‘P’ – that was what she told us to her call her; I think her surname was pretty complicated) taught me about using an en dash to go onto the next line. I was reading at 3, chapter books at 4-5, and always writing.

I  write every day anyway, or at least do some editing. But I want a journal. I want somewhere I can talk about my feelings, and I can’t do it. This is what I want this to be.

close up of typewriter vintage retro styled

I also want to write about politics and current affairs and book reviews, but. I’ve never mixed the too. I’m so nervous doing this. I kept an every-day-diary for three years, and then another six with a bit of a gap. I should be okay, at the very least!

But I just don’t know what to say. I’m hoping this challenge will cure me of it. Obviously, it’s not the natural flow that I want, but if I just GET WRITING, that’ a start.

(After talking my writing experiences, I’ve just written a terribly waffling entry that could be edited down an awful lot. But I’ve decided to silence my inner-critic for the time-being. I guess most of you writers will know what I’m talking about 😛 )

So, it seems apt favourite books as a child. God, how to pick? I’ll go for three, and choose them in ascending age order (little baby book, small chapter book, proper chapter book)

Baby Picture Book. There are so many! But it’s gotta be:


My dad read it to us so well, like an actor, making use of all the onomatopoeia (swish, swish, swish) and we joined in because we knew it so well. I love it still. (So what? It’s my inner child, okay?

Short Chapter Book. This is getting harder. I’m gonna choose two. (because I’m cheating!)


What (young) reader doesn’t love this? Of course, I liked Lucy best as well as Mr Timnus. The films were okay, but not a patch on the books of course. I guess I was about 5 when I read this, though I’d read it had to myself numerous times before that.


I wanted to be Lucy in this book (maybe I just wanted to be called be Lucy?), and I enrolled RYA sailing courses purely because of this book. Of the whole series, my favourite is probably ‘We Didn’t Mean to Go to Sea’ but I was bit older until I read it on my own. I think I was about 6 for this, but again I’d had it read it to me before.


Bigger Children’s (?) Book. Gotta be this one. Arguable if it’s for children really.


What reader doesn’t love these books? I had these first read to me when I was four by my dad, but the questions as to how much I understood remains a mystery. I remember enjoying it, so I must’ve understood some of it! I read if for the first time myself when I was about nine, and an innumerable number of times this since. And, luckily, this is one of those books where the films are also awesome. Who’s with me? There’s so much packed into these books. I could talk for hours! But this is starting me writing; I I write loads, then I won’t write anything because it won’t be as much as this… My mind is very screwed up (officially!) and complicated.

Anyway, a little bit about me.

Please leave comments! What were you favourite kid’s books? There are some many more: The Naughtiest Girl, Roald Dahl, Shirley Hughes, Dick King Smith, Heidi, Dr Doolittle, Jacqueline Wilson, Beth Webb…. I’ll stop there.

What were/are your favourite children’s books? Please answer in the comments below!


Posted in Challenges, June Books 16

12th June Summer Reading!



Favourite villain? Ooh, that’s a fiendish one. (See what I did there? Ha.)

My immediate thought was Voldemort from HP series, but that’s too obvious. But actually? That remains my choice.

Voldemort isn’t just an evil villain who’s out to get the world, a Hitler, a general fascist. I mean he is those things, but we get to learn so much more about him. In HP6 all those memories that Harry gets to see in the pensive… Tom Marvolo Riddle is a real person. Maybe he has become the simple epitome of evil, and nothing more, but you can see how he got there. He was a child. Horrible and awful things happened to him, and he didn’t respond in a healthy way. Him and Harry are so alike in many ways; Harry could have been Voldemort if he hadn’t had the support and guidance that was generously offered him.

And actually, that’s how I think of everyone in the world. People who we may call ‘evil’ (e.g. Hitler) – they are actually a sum of their own experiences. No one is born evil. I don’t believe in evil. I feel sorry for bullies, and people who commit atrocities because there is something within them – a mistake, genetics, experience, misguidance – that means they believe they are doing the right thing.

To make it topical: the mass shooting recently in LA. That man truly believed that he was doing the right thing. Obviously, it was not: he was wrong, misguided, twisted. But he thought he was right. I’m not advocating terrorism or trying to defend him, but trying to understand the world he lives in. Of course, I feel for the victims and their families, that goes without saying. Their lives have been torn apart. But so has his.

I guess I like villains that feel real. Not just ‘evil.’ Because there is no such thing. Every single person has the propensity to be good, but some people are led the wrong way. They deserve our pity too.

(I hope no one slams me for saying this. To make it clear: I’m not condoning murder, or any act of violence or aggression. It’s just a belief I have of the world. There are no ‘bad’ people. And I’m not saying that in a naive sense.)

Well, there we are: a rather philosophical entry today!

What does anyone else think? How can we help people who feel the need to act in such horrific ways, before it comes to pulling a trigger?

dbsgirl x

Posted in Challenges, Uncategorized

I have a new charger! And June Reading Challenge…

And I can’t believe that it took so long. It took SIX DAYS for apple to get the correct charger to me and, to be honest,  I’m really not impressed. I’m still catching up on all your blogs, but I’m going to have a go at the June Reading Challenge. I so wish that I’d started at the beginning, I feel left out 😦 (my own fault). But thank you so much to gettingthroughanxiety for introducing me to the idea. I adore reading; for me reading and music are ‘safe spaces’ for me usually. Sometimes there’s nowhere safe, but you know what I mean.

I’m not doing the film one because I don’t see enough films, certainly not within a month! They’d all end up being the same! So for the 10th, the topic is …


That makes book and beverage, which is probably the hardest for me, because my ED won’t let me drink anything unless it’s measured and officially on my meal plan (and it just water).

So… I’ll go back in time to when things were different. I used to love reading Alice in Wonderland with a big old cup of steaming tea.


I don’t think this one needs much explaining! Everyone knows Alice in Wonderland. If you’ve only seen the film, you don’t know what you’re missing! Completely eccentric and bizarre prose, extra characters that are missed out. I hate the Johnny Depp film, I haven’t seen the latest, but I do like the Disney one. Everyone likes Disney, right?

Continue reading “I have a new charger! And June Reading Challenge…”